Even my husband is happy by seeing us . Rules Relating To Marriage And Its Ceremonies - Al-Islam.org Is It Permissible for Me to Stop Talking to a Harmful Family Member? Is it a sin to not talk to your parents anymore? Riba (Interest) is never allowed in Islam because it is a system that makes poor the poorest and rich the richest! Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.. What if, like in the scenario above, your parents ask you to choose between continuing a relationship with them and your life choices. Unless your parents are very old or in financial need, you are not obligated to serve them, see, or speak to them all the time. Am I wrong to not want to speak with my parents? If they have wronged you, then you would want Allah to . And do not spy, nor backbite one another. Does Islam excuse abusive parenting? - Islam Stack Exchange Is it okay to talk? - Quora That person was affecting my life so much after so many years of mistreating me, lying about me, saying bad things about me, and more. Please, Shaykh, I need your advice here. What happens when theres turmoil? We must love our parents, love God, and love our neighbors. But nothing is that black and white on this earth. She spends a lot of money in useless things but not important ones. But I got there eventually. Having said this, because he is a family member if you can ever get to a point where you can greet him in a cordial way do so. White kids and women are better in her eyes than darker ones, even though this thought is completely unislamic. I can't talk to dad about this because he has a big temper issue and he has the approach "Parents and elders are always right and children are supposed to follow them always". Regretting What One Had Missed in Worldly or Religious Matters, Ruling on deserting a person for some reason, Deserting a Person When Fearing Harm on Ones Religion or Worldly Matters, Not replying to messages from friends is not deserting, Refraining from greeting person one had fight with, Religions, Sects and Da'wah (Call to Islam), Jinaayaat (Criminology) and Islamic Judicial System, Islamic Politics and International Affairs, Medical Issues, Media, Culture and Means of Entertainment. But your experiences are real. You're the only one who has to live with the aftershocks of maintaining this relationship, and so you're the only one whose experience matters when deciding what to do. No one not even the people who birthed you are automatically entitled to your time or energy if they hurt you. Masturbation has a negative impact on your health, this is why Islam prohibits it for every Muslim and labels it as Zina! There are some reasons why people may need to maintain some contact following divorce (e.g. Deciding not to talk to your parents may feel like it is your only option. I ask her something, and she counterattacks me by asking me 4 questions in return. They clarified that any romantic, intimate relationships are prohibited before marriage. I have some questions about the following hadith: "The Muslim is not allowed to abandon a Muslim brother more than three days. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]. you initiate contact because you miss them, and end up opening every wound you've healed in your time of no contact). He was also given licenses of mastery in the science of Quranic recital and he was able to study an extensive curriculum of Quranic sciences, tafsir, Arabic grammar, and Arabic eloquence. There are great books out there on this subject, too the recent Mothers Who Can't Love by Susan Forward (who also wrote the classic self-help volume Toxic Parents) was immensely helpful for me. 1) Dishonest 2) Unwilling to accept any responsibility for their behaviors Because of their unwillingness to take responsibility, it is difficult to repair relationships with them. By loving ourselves, we must take care of our mental health. Answer (1 of 9): Unless you live in an oppressive country you're allowed to talk about anything in a day to day conversation, but a lot of things would definitely scare other people off. Karoun Demirjian, a congressional correspondent for The Times, explains . They can be bad, and cruel, and toxic despite being your blood. And its okay to walk away. Assalaamu alaykum. Is it haram to cut off ties with muslim friends? It is a display of despise to not speak to your mother. She backbites about everyone. And they should make hallal what hallal is. Come Ramadan, though, and period-shaming is at an all-time high, with women going to extremes to hide that they are exempt from fasting. It is your choice whether you talk to your parents or not. Please remember that killing is haram - you must not do this! [Muslim]. They are not infallible. I haven't seen or talked to him in 7 years and me and family are better off without him. I feed him daily and he is younger than me and unmarried. Al-Haafith Abu Umar ibn Abd Al-Barr wrote: "Scholars reached a scholarly consensus that it is allowable to forsake one's fellow Muslim more than three days if maintaining relations with him entails undermining the person's religiosity or causes harm to him or his worldly affairs. https://seekersguidance.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/Bildschirmfoto-2022-02-18-um-23.12.11.png, https://seekersguidance.org/svg/Logo/SG_Logo_v23.svg. There is no doubt that a good-intentioned distance is often better than a harmful interaction" [At-Tamheed]. Many a time avoiding someone in a beautiful way is superior to harmful intermingling. [Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari]. see how the person is? In my own life, my mother and I were the only people in our home, and thus, all our conflicts were her word against mine. Maybe you're an old hand at not talking (or going "no contact," as it is sometimes called). All rights reserved. Our parents are our first influence in this world and our first friend. She's very rude with me especially. alot of people are claiming its okay to be friends with the opposite gender ,"Do not even go close to fornication. And please do not quote other fatwas. are we not suppose to talk in any way to males eaither? Some children and grown adults can report growing up in a very strict household, while others felt their parents went easy on them. relationship with your parent was so toxic. Is it haram for male teachers to teach female students. It may be perceived as a sin but choosing to take care of your mental health is survival. and that is about it. Usually she does alot of things that are rude or like not good. Need advice. I (22M) am beginning to hate my mother. : r/islam - Reddit Would any of you like to eat his dead brother's flesh? It may feel natural. And she isn't the best of a person. Hunter Biden put then-VP dad Joe on the phone with business associates Making small talk can be hard and bland, but its a small price to pray for avoiding issues while fulfilling your obligation. Well, hittig on the face is forbidden in Islam. Just like our parents did before us, we must do our best to survive. Though I've been actively putting distance between my mother and myself for nearly a decade, I've also re-initiated contact with her a number of times because I was worried about her health, because I felt lonely, because I wanted to see our aging family dog. The hadeeth does not apply to the case in the second question either as long as their intention was not to abandon each other but they did not meet for normal reasons until more than three days had passed. News and discussions about matters pertaining to the Muslim community, the Muslim world, and Muslim politics. Parents are not given detailed instructions on how to handle their children, so trying to raise them right by society and God is often a struggle. But not talking to a parent does not often last forever. A graphic video showing two women forced by a baying mob to walk naked in the northeastern Indian state of Manipur has sparked outrage after it emerged on social media. Odds are that you didn't come to this decision lightly. Is it haram to talk about a bad situation that someone did to - Reddit A One-Man Blockade Against the U.S. Military - The New York Times Not returning the salam of another person immediately, 108. It will be your sin and there's. Please you don't seem to react at all to this massanges you get. And the judgment doesn't stop with people you know. I have this little cousin. When arguments and tension arise between parents and children, it is equally challenging. You may feel like you are protecting yourself from them by avoidance, or maybe that you are protecting them from your anger. 'Great sex' can happen if you have these three things: experts To use some extremely serious journalistic terminology right now: uh, no. Even though we are very close I was always in parda with him even I were hijab every day in my home irrespective of presence of anyone. If the brother is a gaurdian, it will be given more right to him. Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani. You are entitled to protect yourself and your family from any genuine stress or harm from anyone, including parents, while at the same time upholding respect and kindness. If it is something come and go, then it is not . I recently read an excellent one by Katja Bak on Medium; the takeaway beautifully distilled the struggle of the estranged child: "Its okay to let go of your family. Therefore: It is haram for the two to talk with lust, or for them to be alone in a secluded place, or for them to look at each other with the intention of lust, or to touch one another, and thus they must refrain from these things. It is indeed a shameful act, and an evil way to follow." (quran:17:32) ,but allah swt says in the quran don't even go close to zina (fornication) , it means that any way that may lead to zina is haram ,and . Is it haram to never speak to a sibling ever again? I wish you all the best and that you and your parents build a peaceful and loving relationship. Holy Quran 16:90 ------------------ The matter is different for more extreme cases or prolonged harm, as we are not expected to place ourselves in harmful situations when dealing with others. If that is the case it is permissible [to not talk to them]. Tell them this now, not when you on the verge. . And honour your parents. If he (the other believer) returns his greeting, then they share the reward; but if he does not return it, then he (alone) will incur the sin. But remember: You're not crazy for feeling this way, and someone else is going to understand. Its okay. Answer (1 of 6): Because we are the product of free will, we may talk whenever we want to talk. Parents want peace for their children. r/islam is the place to discuss any topics related to Islam & Muslims. Periods and Ramadan. Some parents spank, some wash their mouths out with soap. They bear no sin, Allaah willing, because were they to meet, they would greet each other and not turn away. We wouldn't insult her nor talk anything bad about her but I would just go to my friend and tell her about what she did to me or my family. In case any one is wondering, I am currently a student and have to depend on my parents for provisions. But it depends for what. Your new support system can be anyone a "chosen family" of friends, a partner, members of an online or real-life support group, a sympathetic and understanding therapist as long as they get it. But that's OK. They are not perfect. Not ur papa side though. Family problems - Islam Question & Answer Not obeying non-haram orders of your pious parents, 107. If anything, ending a relationship with a toxic parent (and the toxic love that they provide) may give you an opening in your life to accept genuine love and support for the first time. It's not your fault for hoping or wanting and it's also not a mark against you if it doesn't work out. Perhaps your parents do not approve of your life choices. And many women will not eat all day for fear of . @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-leader-2-0-asloaded{max-width:250px!important;max-height:250px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'beingagoodparent_com-leader-2','ezslot_7',136,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-leader-2-0'); It may be a sin to not talk to our parents, but it is not as simple as a do or dont. Before deciding how our choices impact our faith, we must consider all the variables. Friends might be confused, or even tell you that you're selfish ( a sentiment that the toxic family member whom you've disconnected from has almost definitely seconded). Just overhearing the muffled sound of her agitated voice, as my boyfriend listened to the voicemail for me, was enough to ruin my day. There are toxic situations, where staying will damage your well-being. Most major articles about kids who are estranged from their parents, like this 2012 article from AARP, take the parent's side, accepting their confusion about why their child cut off contact at face value, and judging the child for being self-absorbed. They did, after all, ask you to choose. Drinking and Gambling are one of the greatest sins in Islam. Major Forbidden Acts - My Religion Islam ABGKLMS. but i dont sit there had have 1/2 an hour chat or longer with the oppsit sex, but if i see a brother i know on the computer really (cus there is no brothers in my area) i say salam walakum, and how are you and your family alhamduillah good , good. They legitimately can't imagine anything "bad enough" to cause someone to stop speaking to a family member. Abu Ayyoob Al-Ansaari reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said, "It is not lawful for a Muslim to abandon his (Muslim) brother beyond three nights; they meet so each turns away from the other, and the better of the two is the one who greets the other first." Back bitting is a major sin, you can advise her in a nice way to be nice to you and your mom and remind her the best Muslims are the most ethical ones. It's horrible". How To Convince 21-Year-Old Son To Stop Partying, Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family. This is for situations where someone is hurt by something minor. She ruined my self-confidence by always treating me as a kid. now i don't hear the voices but i feel them talking.. Wanting to be in contact with a parent is a very natural urge, and you shouldn't blame yourself if this urge motivates you to do something that is ultimately bad for you. Tagged Dealing with parents in Islam Is it forbidden to not talk to my father for the rest of my life? In early2016, he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continues advanced studies in a range ofIslamicsciences, as well as teaching. @media(min-width:0px){#div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0-asloaded{max-width:300px!important;max-height:250px!important}}if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'beingagoodparent_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_4',150,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-beingagoodparent_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');We make choices to protect our well-being. My thought process is, that by supplicating for this person, maybe Allaah will cancel out the sin because I pray for this brother. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. Other times she just laughs it off. It is permissible to keep your distance from such a person who has harmed you. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, It is not permissible for a person to shun his brother for more than three nights such that they meet and each one turns away from the other. Am I Wrong to Not Want to Speak with My Parents. This lack of self confidence is ruining my life in several different ways. But it also helped me confirm that not talking to my mother was still the right decision for me. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Not taking the medicine that has a definite curing effect, 112. She tried to save very little money by disturbing me during some very important exams but is ready to ready to spend a very large sum for a 2 hour wedding event of my brother. After graduating with a degree in English and History he moved to Damascus in 2007 where, for 18 months, he studied with many erudite scholars. They clothe, feed, and teach us. Quran says; Tattoos are strictly prohibited in Islam. The hadeeth does not apply to the case in your first question because the two did not abandon each other, stop talking to each other, or turn away from each other when they met; rather, their life circumstances entailed or compelled them into going their separate ways. I know I should love my parents by default, but I think I loved them more as a young child, being naive and not understanding things. They were also children of parents and its important to know about their relationships with their parents. What are the situations in which it is permissible to kill a person Emotions are very deep things and can manifest themselves in strange ways! Over the years I have found myself increasingly becoming emotionally distant from my parents. Reddit, Inc. 2023. In late 2008 he moved to Amman, Jordan, where he continued his studies for the next six years in Sacred Law (fiqh), legal theory (Usul al-fiqh), theology, hadith methodology, hadith commentary, and Logic. Jamir is a qualified homeopath. Hebrews 12:11 tells us, No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 84976. Therefore, it is recommended to think positively of Allaah and acknowledge ones need for Allaah, The Almighty, and submissively surrender to Him then." If you feel you are going to kill this person, you need to get help from your family or from a doctor straight away. I don't want to get too much into detail but she did something so awful to me that I haven't spoken to her in almost 10 years. Hearing voices, black magic and mind-reading Is my relationship with my brother in law is halal or haram It may not help the way you feel right now, but identifying these things may help understand your parents motives and act as a place to start and move on from. Proverbs 23:22 says, Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. The World English Bible translates this verse to read: Listen to your father who gave you life, and dont despise your mother when she is old.. is that ok? In Bukhari it is stated; In this era, we often see people committing suicide, especially the young people are already into it. In my own life, my mother's love had a stranglehold on me; she regularly made sure to do everything she could to sabotage my friendships, romances, and professional relationships. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I feel like I want to hurt her verbally and be extremely rude but I don't think this is the right way. I have a family member who hurt me so much. You can search for fatwa through many choices, Etiquettes Related to Dealing with Others, Etiquette of deserting a person (for some reason). Salam! I'm wondering if it's haram to talk about - Reddit Matthew 19:19 tells us, Honor your father and mother; and You shall love your neighbor as yourself. So where does withholding love and honor, or not speaking to them, fit in? Parenting is not a science. and our Answer: Waalaykum assalam, thank you for writing in. Will I be sinful in such case even though it is not possible to see this person because he lives in a different city, and then three days will easily pass?3) My final question: what if I, for instance, have not talked to a brother for four months? #2. Answer (1 of 15): I understand your situation. began his studies in Arabic Grammar and Morphology in 2005. Telling someone that the things they remember didn't happen is a tool of emotional control called "gaslighting" and a lot of people who cut off contact with their parents have been gaslighted so hard and for so long that they barely have a handle on reality sometimes. "Oh you brought this grocery? and are the rules of speaking to a man or cousin diffrent when your on the computer? The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, "It is not permissible for a person to shun his brother for more than three nights such that they meet and each one turns away from the other. InQuran it is stated; (Killing does not mean taking life only, it also means to hurt anyone). He's unreliable and has shown no interest in any of ours life even when he was here. Assalaamualaikam. And she brags a lot and thinks very unreasonably. #2. Avoid speaking about any contentious issues or anything you feel that will cause you anxiety. We are raised to believe we should love God, love our mothers and our fathers, and love ourselves. For the past few months, a single senator Tommy Tuberville has blocked hundreds of promotions in the U.S. military. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Have set times you call them and prepare for those conversations beforehand to avoid stress. You mention that they tell you they love you now, in private and public, which shows they are trying in some way to connect with you and make things better. My male cousinsharam or not?? - IslamicBoard And she talks with me And my mother in a very rude way. "1) I also know Muslims whom I have known for many years, but we do not talk to each other more (not because we hate each other, but rather because we have our own business, and we have not maintained contact), and when we see each other, we do not talk together. They should not have asked you to choose, so it cannot be a sin to stop talking to them. Finally, we advise you, after fearing Allaah, to refrain from forsaking your fellow Muslims more than three days without a Sharee'ah-approved reason and to supplicate Allaah for your fellow Muslims to bless them with all that is good and to forgive their sins. As I have grown older, I see the shortcomings of my parents in retrospect to the way that they raised myself and my siblings and this makes me question why they behaved in certain ways. However, it is not haram for a man or woman to like a specific person whom he or she chooses to be a spouse, and feel love for that person and want to marry them if possible. You know your situation best, and you should not get close enough to get harmed again. I was wondering if what I am doing is haram? Talk with your parent's . We also talked about theWays to cure Masturbation Addiction. I have some questions about the following hadith: "The Muslim is not allowed to abandon a Muslim brother more than three days. But it depends for what. To wait 4 years is a sure way to push you in to haram. Spreading gossip, 110. JavaScript is disabled. IslamicBoard is one of the leading Islamic discussion forum for anyone who wants to learn more about Islam or simply interact with Muslims from all over the world. 1 To make a long story short I have an estranged relationship with my sister. Fatwa No: 333646 Fatwa Date: 13-10-2016 - Muharram 12, 1438 Print Rating: Question Assalaamu alaykum. I know that Islam has an extremely high rank for parents, especially the mother. A person cannot always help the way they feel about people or situations, but they must always do their best to behave and react appropriately. So usually I would talk with my friend about her. We know these things, for Sunday School lessons made sure of it. It is permissible for him to forsake the one of whom he fears that talking and keeping ties with him will undermine his religiosity or harm him in his worldly life. 1. I (22M) am beginning to hate my mother. She's backbiting all the time about somebody and sometimes the negativity gets too much to bear. There is a Hadith in Bukhari which states; Forcing your spouse is one of the biggest sins you will ever commit. Just because your parents claim that they "did the best they could" doesn't mean that they actually did and even if they did, the fact that they did their best doesn't mean that you are obligated to be emotionally wounded by them for the rest of their life. Lastly, do make abundant supplication for your parents. Maybe they dont like your significant other or the college youve chosen to attend. Its not always the case. Is it bad to have friends that are boys as a Muslim woman? The better of the two is the one who initiates the greeting. [Bukhari]. 2023 The Islamic Information - Duplication not allowed. He bears no sin if he abandons him for a Sharee'ah-acceptable reason.