Would you like to pray? Listen. Whether you or a loved one is going through a cancer journey, learning how to give and ask for support can take time. I totally disagree with you about the Im sorry. Another friend offered to babysit and then never reached out once during the 3 months my son was hospitalized. I realize people do not know what to say. Laughter is good medicine. Remember the Hippocratic Oaths crucial phrase about bringing no further suffering to the patient applies to the concerned lay companion whom the person suffering from a major heath crisis has entrusted their very lives to. Poor Fred Sanford was always afraid of having The Big One and he wouldnt make it into Heaven because of something he did or didnt do down here and had the sin or fault taken care of in time with God. Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center Support Groups. Sometimes, an off the cuff remark will bring on a smile and lighten the moment. Practical supports that mean a lot and give the person a much-needed respite., As a cancer and later chemo-brain patient, I appreciated when someone would say you inspire me. Let me know what I can do or Im here for you, while appreciated, were not as helpful as when people just showed up whether that was by sending a card or a note, calling on the phone or delivering a meal or a gift that made me feel like they were thinking of me and that I wasnt alone. Therefore, can visualize them & thank each 1, when seeing them next time. Stay connected to family and friends through any health journey. As a terminal cancer patient myself, I agree with many of the previous suggestions. Studies have shown that each decision made, makes the next one harder. She completely fell off the face of the earth until my son died. What can I do for you? Please dont make empty offers to help. It was a special moment for both of us. When my two stepsons died in a horrible, horrible car wreck, a person came by who said, I dont have the wordsthere are no words. That was absolutely fine. God will bring all of you through this. Heat-Related Illnesses Spike as 100F Temperatures Scorch US South I respectfully suggest being very careful with the offer of prayer. I find the best comments to be ones that offer love and support without expressing a feeling of despair or false hope: You are in my heart, I am thinking of you and your family, I am holding you in my prayers.. I am here for you. Show up. By commenting you accept the CaringBridge, 13 Good Things to Say to Someone with Cancer, What People Mean to Say When the Wrong Words Come Out. Just do something, dont just say youll be therebe there!! I had a friend of 9 years. There is often humor, seriousness and an array of various things that are said depending on how well I know the person. So if an Im sorry slips out, its OK. Weve all been there. Living with a terminal illness: patients' priorities The findings suggest that the way in which health professionals manage patients' involvement in matters such as symptom relief can impact on existential areas of concern. Instead of saying Im praying for you tell specific pray!! Generally speaking, people who are dying need care in four areas: physical comfort, mental and emotional needs, spiritual needs, and practical tasks. I just cant do that. One way to help is to send notes, jokes, stories anything that will distract my friend for a few moments and help him/her laugh. We all know who our lifes personal detractors, phonies, double-talkers, cynics and other malefactors and wishers of nothing but bad times ahead. Private, Protected and Ad-Free You're in control of your privacy. Everyone was probably feeling for us, and I knew it might have been uncomfortable for them to ask, but those who did made it seem like a natural question, and that they werent afraid of listening to my answer. i Pray for God s grace to endure this path as a family. You are in my thoughts and prayer. I hate it that youre going through this! is a good phrase to use, in addition to the ones you suggested. They just dont know what to say or to do but a card or a five minute phone call would mean so much. Mild is not mild, I am on oxygen all the time.my son purchased herbal remedy for emphysema from solution health herbal clinic ,which i used for 6 weeks and am totally Emphysema free ,all thanks to solution health herbal clinic, solution health herbal clinic also cure all type of disease in humans life..please Stop smoking! People in crisis do not always have the ability to make decisions; in fact, they are making too many (treatment plans, funeral plans, etc.) Keep your chin up! We miss you, I have cared for my husband since his stroke four years ago. I try to deal with my own pain by making fun of my situation and bringing levity to others. The authors discuss the treatment of symptoms (e.g., pain, nausea, and depression) that can cause distress and lower quality of life. 1:57. Unless you are to blame it is a futile statement. If you dont hear from them do something non intrusive to let them know youre thinking of them leave a helium balloon or flowers and a note on the porch. You are one strong girl/boy! After just listening for as long as she wanted to tell me about the trials she was going through, I asked questions, hugged her, and said the one thing that is positive about all of this is that you know the Lord, and you know He is giving you the strength to get through this. They would go with me to treatment if I wanted them to but what I most need is to get out of the house once in a while to do something fun to take my mind off the situation. Especially for someone who is caring for a sick loved one.offer help, to run errands, cook a meal, come in an clean up, laundry, or just spend time together. The dying process is, for many people, the most profound and powerful time of their lives. Instead , just do something! I was shocked, I had only had minor breathing problems at times. CaringBridge | University of Maryland Medical Center I agree with Nick Hall. If we dont, its best to avoid insert your own religious beliefs where they may not be welcome. But they gave him a warm and compassionate huge, snd kissed his forehead. I dont have to beg and she knows exactly what I need. Creating a site is a great way to help your loved one easily communicate and receive support, which makes it an awesome gift to give someone battling cancer. Here are five ideas for what to say to a patient or caregiver: These statements show that you care about their wellbeing and sincerely want them to experience the better parts of life. I will pray for you. If you have a heart, let it speak with sincerity. I will be praying for you and your family. No matter what words are offered unless its I know just how you feel I find comfort in the fact that even though someone might be uncomfortable with talking to me about my husbands struggles they set this aside to let me know they care. She was so happy and looked forward to it. personal contact with those who like the feeling of being encircled by arms that care). Rotten deal! Avoid platitudes such as What doesnt kill you will make you stronger and Its Gods will. God does not inflict evil onto anyone, but He will provide the strength and courage to deal with it. Share stories now to be prepared for laterBlessings all, and may all of our transitions be full of LOVE and LIGHT and inner peace of transforming to the next place. Caring for Terminally Ill Patients and their Caregivers Dont say anything, just be there. It is generally better to say Im here for you, Ill check in to see what I can do, Call me anytime, etc., anything this is not a question. Hopefully when I get home and get settled a little bit I can stop and see you. I hope youll receive the kind of support you need on this journey. This to shall pass ,ur strong I love u, For me being in my 4th battle of nsclc hearing, Oh no not again. Or When will this end? Has been difficult because I am feeling it will probably end when I am no longer here. How about an envelope full of coupons for picking up a prescription, a ride to the doctor or hairdresser, an offer for a massage, a gentle hug, making a favorite recipe, delivering, takeout, taking care of pets, mowing the lawn for a month, a fresh cut flowers, grocery shopping, paying an electric bill or providing gas money? Offers of prayers are the best! How about, How does this make you feel?. Offer practical help here is a list of recipes I can make and deliver to you, please pick a few and let me know which days you need them. thank you for telling me. If you want to vent, need advice, or just take a break and binge on Netflix (we dont even have to talk), Im here. I hugged him, gave him a kiss, whispered good bye, and said I love you. I wish this wasnt happening to you. I heard this a number of times when my wife died and I wanted to say, Oh really, you think being dead is better than being with her husband. Some prefer to be accessible to anyone who visits CaringBridge and searchable by name. I had one friend ask me when I was free gor coffee or wine and it felt dismissive in regards to my condition and what it took for me to leave the house. I am here for you. Thank you is great to hear. Im still in Texas, but Im leaving on Sunday morning to go home and to be home on the 28th of May. Hope is a Master Key when it comes to healing. Merilyn. By commenting you accept the CaringBridge Terms of Use and Privacy and Cookie Policy. Sue R and Debbie Drill: great suggestions. why is not the request to pray about the problem not asked for? . Instead of saying Im sorry, you could say something like, Im praying for you. 15. I dont think you should be such a curmudgeon about saying Im sorry for crying out loud! HOWEVER, I think it is also inappropriate to say What can I do to help? as that puts the onus on them to remember your offer and to find a way for you to help that can feel overwhelming. Perhaps your pain is making them change their attitude, take stock of their life, or at minimum be more sympathetic to others? Just saying do you need anything, most responses will be no because we are not going to say specifically what we would like. Ive been widowed and Ive lost both parents, but no doubt, many people will disagree with my comments. Its always hard to know what to say, but sorry has always been good. The extra stress and hurt it causes are not needed. The only other response I have heard since my husband has had a stroke, is: Start a Site. PSThe surgery was a success! I was there for 2 months and whenever something like this happened it was always great. CaringBridge users came through with alternative comments that express support simply and effectively. Offer specific help rather than if theres anything I can do. If you can do something say, Id like to do this for you. Ive asked friends to come walk with me and they are happy to do so. Some reconstruction incisions are not where you expect them to be. I believe in saying sincerely and genuinely how sorry you are. CaringBridge users confirm what Ryan ONeal said to Ali MacGraw all those years ago: Love means never having to say youre sorry. (Readers born after 1970 can catch Love Story on Netflix.). And I let her know I pray for her strength and peace. He was heavily sedated and was on pain killers as the hospital advised their role was to make him comfortable. CaringBridge Site Search To hydrate or not to hydrate? The effect of hydration on survival Im recovering from major back surgery and down for the count. ?I just want to see you. ; look for a better doctor. Im not trying to be a drama queen, but Im not going to improve. When you have that level of a big one at the age Foxx was portraying in the lead role he played, thered be precious time for making things right with God. Around the house? Med Clin North Am. Ill be praying for you. Love you girlfriend and prayers are for you to get well soon. How It Works | CaringBridge While with the good nursing care he was getting, I didnt really NEED any help, I was really moved when a nurse friend who lives about 45 minutes away called and said give me a reason you dont want me to come. What I really appreciated were offers of help, and just having people visit for a chat. Anything but the kind of words youd expect to find included in a sympathy card. Not sure if theyre scared, or don t know what to say, but saying nothing really hurts more than saying the wrong thing. I went through 2 separate brain surgeries. God, or the universe if you prefer, will either heal you, and life will go back to normal (or a new normal), or it wont. I have to post this extremely wrong response. I dont want anyone to tell me my daughter is in a better place or that at least shes not in pain now, and I REALLY dont want someone to say thoughts and prayers. Our beautiful daughter just died Friday, January 4, after two and a half terrible years with stage IV cancer. Also, if I say Im sorry I say I am sorry you have to go through this and with Cancer and some common diseases that are very challenging I usually know someone who has beat it and I tell them of their success story without revealing too much info or names to protect their identity. I have a problem with Im sorry.and then the person goes into a story of I was just so devastated when that happened to me its like the need to comfort had transferred to me. I admire you. They will come later. Its little plates of fruit for the Sabbath or bags of veggies for a hospital day. CaringBridge replaces the time-consuming task of sharing your health news over and over. Also, what is the recipient supposed to respond to Im sorry? Its awkward. Table 2: Differences between urban and rural analysis of the recognition of Taiwanese food cultural and Receiving non-ANH attitude toward terminally patients (N=393) *p 0.05 ** p 0.01*** p 0.001, Two-tailed.. As shown in the Taiwanese Food Cultural Recognition Scale that the three items that received the highest scores under the "customs" and "homology of medicine and food" question . I know it is not easy, but you are a warrior and you will be able to make it. What do you need from me ? You never know how long its been since someones heard those words. Since it certainly couldnt hurt and it would make them feel better, we concluded that praying for an easy passing would be the best choice. During the winter a couple other friends and I would take him out for lunch. Create a Site OR Dedicated to Health Journeys CaringBridge is an established non-profit designed specifically for sharing health journeys. He was due to undergo a hip operation in December but developed a number of infections. Upstate Cancer Center 750 E. Adams Street Syracuse, NY 13210 Phone: 315 464-HOPE (4673) Toll Free: 855 964-HOPE (4673) To F Margo Hornback I am sorry if someones expression of Im praying for you seems selfish, I would hope that everyone expressing that phrase truly had the sufferers best interests at heart. Finally, I do not believe personally in a Judeo-Christian tradition I.e. A CaringBridge website is a personal health journal, rallying friends and family during any type of health journey. I love you. Thats all I can do. How about I cook Sunday dinner? How can I help?, You are in my prayers. and/or May I come by for a visit and bring food?. Im here for you Support group for young adults with cancer. We did. The one that stands out for me was when I called my pastor once when my husband got very ill when we were out of town were these words. You can find New York's here, and every other state's here. D. Another book by Haugk is Cancer Now What? I prefer to say Im so sorry you have to go through this, and then, if its someone Im close to, but Ill be right here beside you. I appreciate them. A friend offered to just massage my hands and feet with lotion . We have been condtioned to say I am sorry, but there are many things we can tell those who are experiencing tough times. I hope that others can console me with these five steps listed above. Patients who have undergone a dental bridge procedure should be advised as to the best ways to care for the bridge to prolong its lifespan. Im with you in this, let me vacuum your room. even clean your bathroom. It was priceless. Listen to the things that they are not saying as well as the things they are. Sending a thinking of you card, offering prayers, asking with genuine concern, how are YOU? Be prepared to listen & nod.no response except a heart to heart hug speaks volumes. I want to just wrap my arms around you. This can make me feel worse than I already do. But . You are a master teacher! Black and Hispanic patients with a serious liver-scarring condition are less likely to receive transplants than their White peers in the US, according . . Whenever people say Im sorry I always reply dont be, its not your fault. I also work full time as an insurance agent, and perform stand up comedy as energy permits. Of course, the family of the dying person needs support as well, with practical tasks and emotional distress. , Its not only health it could be a person whos in a bad financial disaster .u could say I love u and ur so smart there will be a light at the end of ur dark tunnel or My favorite, from a friend on a European tour: I pray for you each time I enter a church. Children(And sometimes adults!) I just think you need to extend Grace- people really dont know what to say- particularly if they havent been through something similar in nature. Its reminding me that we are not alone and are not being left alone even though it sometimes it may feel that way- suddenly and unexpectantly, friends are there with the name and number of someone who can fill in those forms, or heads the department. We worry too much about what to say because we cant tolerate our seeming helplessness. Humble yourself because people want to help you! God is already there and I love you were shared. Thankfully, CARING Bridge was just that for me when my brother was diagnosed. A CaringBridge website is a free, private website that connects family and friends during any type of significant health challenge, such as cancer, premature birth and serious injury. However I had smoked for 17 years when I was very young and had quit over 38 years ago, when I developed asthma. SHOW them you want to help. But it doesnt help if were not. I dont want thoughts and prayers. We are heartbroken. Listen. By now, the year was 1912. (My family never wanted for drama.) The next time we got in our now clean car, it really brought us joy. It is very nice to offer sympathy/empathy, but I am sorry can come across as overly sympathetic, or can suggest a feeling of hopelessness, and often are accompanied by anguished facial expressions and stressed tone of voice. Better still ask how or what I can pray for you! Im here for you Youve got this and prayers for you always . This is useful advice! Feel free to contact me for assistance. My wife and I decided early on that, regardless of what others say, we need to always hear We care deeply about you, regardless of what is actually said. Start a free CaringBridge website today. Sometimes just saying there are no words maybe followed by I love you. Recipient will know you mean well even if you say something inappropriate. I also have beginning to tell people how I feel about them. You cant go wrong. Ill be praying for you and your loved one (or family, or friend). Our Vision reflects how patients, caregivers, family and friends like you see CaringBridge: A world where no one goes through a health journey alone. CaringBridge is a free, easy-to-use Internet service developed to keep friends and family informed during challenging or stressful times. My strokes, especially the two TIAs and much bigger Ischemic stroke I had over last years Christmas weekend, mercifully took their time in letting me straighten my act up or at least get my face and hands before the careful eyes of any doctor or expert in handling stroke cases, especially during their crucial onset hours. They may be at the angry stage and that my include God. I cant even imagine Also offer help and mean. May I drive you to your treatments? Love, Heat-related illnesses have spiked as the US bakes in a record-hot summer, forcing some hospitals to call in more staff to treat a surge in patients . You can stay connected to friends and family, plan and coordinate meals, and experience love from any distance. Later, another friend was also diagnosed with cancer, I asked again and sent her my e-mails too. Be wholly in the sacred moment and your heart will always know what to do (my experience). I sit with him and hold his hand. Neither are the estates of our vulnerable elders up for grabs. That can come later. Hi Brent this is Bill Miller. Hospice offers suggestions. 5 Things to Say to Patients, Caregivers Besides 'I'm - CaringBridge I honestly dont know what Id say but Id try to be as positive as possible. Additionally, local and private guardians are lawfully to be preferred to a state sponsored guardian and especially so the Office of Substitute Decision Maker (OSDM), which is still attempting to seize estates and Trusts even though laws for OSDM have changed during the 2018 Session.